Invisible+Report

__**INVISIBLE REPORT (otherwise unnamed)**__

__**Script (First Draft):**__

__**Feedback:**__ __General Comments:__ I like the Current Affairs take on things with this short film! I think it's a great way to cover what is important to you as a group as well as engaging your audience. //Perhaps consider making the interviewer present ie suited up and on camera doing “walk and talks” rather than invisible.// Something that you will need to keep in mind at all times (while redrafting the script and making the film) is the be wary of "in jokes". Comedy is a great way to portray a point, however you need to always keep in mind whether your jokes will be funny to a broader audience. There's a old saying that goes something like "In jokes don't carry beyond the group". I'd like the group to ensure that all of the visual content included in this film is approved by the school (ie cars doing donuts, etc, etc). The script itself will benefit from formatting to make it easier to read. It will also help the participants use the script when it comes shoot time. Well done on finding __your__ voice on this one, it's got lots of potential and will be enjoyable. Below are some itemised notes on each of the stories for your consideration: __Story 1:- Pete & the Wheelie__ - Not knowing the participants it's sometimes hard to tell, but is Pete in on the joke on this one? Does he think it's funny too? We need to hear from Pete otherwise it could be taken as mean-spirited... - There's lots of possibilities to make the weather predicting gag a visual one too... __Story 2: - Vanilla Slice Man Abduction__ - Will you be allowed to take the VSM and do wheelies with it? - Hasn't the VSM been returned? It's not still missing is it? - It's a good obviously "Ouyen" story but where's the big reveal? In the intro the Invisible reporter promises some sort of closure on who stole it but we don't get it... __Story 3: - Big man - Small Bike__ - Excellent! The visual gags here are clear and it should work well! __Story 4: - The Invention of the Banana Kick__ - So glad to hear this story made it in! - include the previous story in this script please. It should all part of the one document. - I love the idea of having the "media truth" and then making Deri accountable by making him try it again...and again...and again... __Before gaining approval to shoot this group must:__ - Redraft script using basic script format. - Prove content approval by an appropriate school representative.